It can be a complicated time, the moment you realize you are completely and unequivocally
unwanted.
BIFFLES
give it time, biffle. give it time.
This picture is a sneaky sneaky stealth link to a time on the internet back when Amy Poehler interviewed Tina Fey. They are bros. I put this here as a template for our future bro-on-bro interviews. Something to think about.
biffle log 02.01.10 16:26 hours
robobiffle has experienced slight disappointment in ongoing search for suitable companion, but after a brief rallying of pseudoemotional forces appears to be more or less okay
Gerald: Listen, everyone! We’re breathing together. As one! It’s like we’re all connected.
Boss: Stop that.
Gerald: But it’s so beautiful. Let’s do it again. Huuuuuuuh….haaaaaaah. So neat. Huuuuuuuuh. Haaaaaaaah.
Boss: Someone kill Gerald.
Gerald: Huuuuuuuh. HAAAAAAAAH.
Boss: Robby, kill Gerald for me.
Robby: Pardon?
Boss: Go kill Gerald, it will only take you a minute.
Robby: Boss, I’m not sure violence is the answer.
Boss: That’s what they said about killing Hitler, but I’m pretty sure that decision only led to positives.
Robby: Excuse me, sir, but Hitler was the mastermind of the most infamous genocide in the history of the world, while Gerald, here, is only guilty of being very happy out loud.
Boss: He’s committing genocide against my will to live.
Robby: I don’t think—
Boss: Lisa? Lisa are you listening?
Lisa: Yessir.
Boss: Kill Robby, will you?
Lisa: Sure thing, Boss. Gerald, too?
Boss: Ah, nah. I’ve kind of grown fond of the little guy.
Gerald: ….HUUUUUUH….
Boss: HAAAAAAAH! You’ve gotta love that.
The two of them stood on the roof of the building.
“Hey Ramona maybe you should just step inside for the next five or so minutes or hours or whenever the sun stops doing that because I don’t like all the colors around it.”
“What? No. This is like the 4th of July of the millennium, Jeff. Scientifically and astronomically and universally, this a magnificent beautiful sexy spectacle that trillions of other people will never get to see, and I am totally not going to stop taking pictures. Please go away, or if not then come over here and don’t say anything annoying. Your children will thank you.”
Jeff began taking tiny, rigid steps toward Ramona and the bottom of his pants leg coaxed a slender root of urine from the puddle he was now leaving behind. “Maybe the radiation is making me infertile.”
She turned to look at him. “Oh, you’re making a trail. Stop walking now. You can just stay there.”
Jeff stopped. He put his hands on the sides of his face and frowned and frowned and frowned.
Ramona was looking straight up at the stuff in the sky, alternately gaping at it and bringing her camera up to her face and clicking off photos. “Jeff I’ma be straight with you,” she said without turning to look at him. “You are actually unfortunately very correct in thinking that there are unhealthy consequences to us being out here but really, I don’t know what else to do. Everything inside is boring and I am just ignorant enough of everything bad that could happen to us here that I don’t care. Also the idea of us staying indoors wondering what the sky looks like is pissing me off. But we’ve been enjoying the view for a while now so I guess you can leave if you really want to, but probably you should stay.”
“Ok.” Jeff’s urine trail formed a J and then a U as he turned around to descend the ladder and go back inside the apartment.
